This night is winding down, but time means nothing

I call this “The Worst Erotic Labyrinth Fic Ever.”

Let’s go quickly; we don’t have much time.

Don’t expect a big reaction.  I don’t promise nothing, but I’ll take you as far as I can; then you’re on your own, right?

It’s further than you think.

That’s all right; I’m used to it.

Well, what have we here?

It is so good to get that thing out.

Is that all it does, is smell?

It gets a lot worse from here on in.

Well, since I’m pointed that way, I guess I’ll go down.  It doesn’t look that hard.

You say that so often; I wonder what your basis for comparison is. 

So much trouble over such a little thing…

Try this for size, you big yeti!

Ugh, what is it?

It’s very rude to stare!

But that’s only half of it! 

Grab it!

 I don’t want that thing back in my mouth!

Well, you can’t be right all the time.

This tastes strange…

Don’t talk with your mouth full! Hey!  Why you bite me?   That wasn’t very nice.

Let’s see how you deal with this little slice.

I hate that! I hate it!  If that’s all the help you’re going to be, you can just leave.

I can’t do anything right, can I?

Yeah, well, we can’t stop now.

My turn now!  Take me as far as you can, and then I’ll do it on my own.

I was just wondering which door to choose.

I suppose you’ve noticed there ain’t no doors; only the hole.

Whoo whoo whoo!

What kind of position is that?  You’re hurting!

You’re no match for me.  Go back to your room; play with your toys and your costumes.

You really going in there, are you? Cozy, isn’t it?

It bit me!  Oh, my aching sushi!  Them’s my jewels!

It’s all junk.

Now don’t try to embarrass me; I’ve got no pride.

Finished?  I’m certainly not getting anywhere at the moment.

I’m exhausted from living up to your expectations of me.  I’ve had enough; I’m going to bed!

(I’ve just noticed your lovely jewels are missing.)